Direct Speech: Ways to Say ‘No’ Strongly

Saying “NO!” is a very simple way to refuse. However, native speakers of English say “no” in many different ways which you might not know yet. It’s important for you to learn all the ways in which we can say “no” in order to prevent misunderstandings. You should also learn to use these because in some situations, you need to use stronger language. I will teach you 25 ways to refuse in a strong and direct way. Depending on where you come from, this may not be usual in your home country or culture. But in English-speaking countries, being direct is very often the most appropriate behavior. You will learn expressions such as “No way, Jose”, “under no circumstance”, “out of the question”, “no chance”, “fat chance”, “not gonna happen”, and many more. By the end of this lesson, you will be able to say the simple and common word “no” with more variety than ever before.

Lesson 37: Hard /g/ (Part One of Two)

Listen to today’s lesson: Pronounce and Spell Hard /g/

In this lesson, we will learn the pronunciation and spelling of words with a /g/ sound. This is also sometimes known as the pronunciation of hard <g>.

  • In most cases, the sound /g/ is spelt with a single letter <g>.

got                             give                           leg                              peg

  • /g/ is also sometimes spelt as double ‘g’ <gg> in words that are longer than one syllable.

 bigger                     dagger                     giggle                       mugger

  • The /g/ sound may also be spelt as <gu>. 

guilt                          guitar                       guy                            guard

  • The /g/ sound is also occasionally spelt as <gh> in foreign loan words.

 ghost                       ghetto                     gherkin                   dinghy

How to Pronounce /g/

The sounds /g/ and /k/ are learnt together as they are articulated in the same part of the mouth. To make these two sounds, the tongue blade makes contact with the soft palate. 

Another way to describe how I make this sound is as follows:

I use the back of my tongue to touch the soft tissue at the back of my mouth. This is as far back as my tongue can comfortably bend. The back of my tongue is raised and bent, and the front of my tongue is low down behind my teeth. My tongue is tense as I briefly make contact with the back of the soft palate.

/g/ /k/   /g/ /k/   /g/ /k/   /g/ /k/

When making a /g/ sound:

  • The tongue is flatter against the palate and there is more pressure.
  • There are vibrations in this sound: /g/ is a voiced consonant.

When making a /k/ sound:

  • The tongue is tenser and contact with the palate is a quick touch.
  • There is also the sound of air being released: /k/ is an unvoiced consonant.

Practice Hard /g/: Some Examples from the Lesson Recording

gate: green garden gate

good: good as gold

gaga: granny’s going gaga

gregarious: gregarious Greg

aggressive: aggressive moggy

Get the full lesson notes and recordings by becoming a subscriber to English Jade. CLICK HERE.

The Slow Learner Advantage

Being a slow learner results in frustration when it comes to developing one’s fluency or accent. However, there is also an advantage to being a slow learner, which I share with you in today’s podcast motivation lesson of English Jade.

Do you need some support to improve your accent and speaking skills? Check out my Clear Accent course, CLICK HERE.

Job Interview Voice Warm Up

Before going into your job interview, it’s important to warm up your voice. Here are a few sentences to read aloud with energy and enthusiasm in preparation for your interview. I recommend that you do these at home before you leave to go to your interview.

You Should:

Spend 10-15 minutes repeating these sentences

Aim to balance speech clarity (speaking precisely) with vocal power (speaking loudly). Say these sentences louder than your normal speaking voice

Say the sentences with energy and passion to get into the right mindset for your interview

I am ready for this job.

Today is my opportunity to shine.

I have complete confidence in myself and my abilities.

I am more than ready for this interview.

I speak with clarity, confidence and precision.

If I forget what to say, I breathe, remember where I was, and keep going.

It’s effortless and simple to speak well.

My voice has power and authority.

I’m focused and ready for any question asked of me.

Whenever I am asked a tough question, my answer is spontaneous and effortless.

I’m going to surprise myself by how confident I am during this interview.

My speech is flowing and clear as I showcase my abilities.

It is easy for me to breathe fully and comfortably as I present my skills and experience.

This job interview is a walk in the park for me.

When I finish the interview, I’m going to say ‘Wow! That was so much easier than I expected!’

I’ll focus on explaining my strengths, therefore I know that I will do myself justice in every way.

I’ll make relaxed eye contact with the interviewers: This creates a professional impression.

As I walk into the room I will hold myself high with good body posture.

I will sit upright with good body posture.

I am the champ!

I am the king of kings!

I am the best of the best!

Everyone else watch out because I’m coming!


History of Bonfire Night — Guy Fawkes

In this video I teach about the history and traditions of Bonfire Night. At the end of this video I also do a speech performance of the ‘V Speech’ from V for Vendetta.

Simple Communication: When to Stop

Simple communication is when you accommodate others by speaking in an easy to understand way. This often happens if you have been speaking to non-native speakers of English on a regular basis for a long time, for example, as a result of living abroad. Although I don’t mention it in the video, it can also happen when native speakers dumb down their language because they have adapted to it through their jobs. In this video I give examples of when it is a good idea to speak in simple communication and when it is best to stop it.

How to Build Willpower with Language

Use language to build your strength of will and self-discipline.

Having a strong sense of will and self-discipline means that when you decide upon an idea or a goal, you work towards it steadily for as long as it takes until it is achieved.

One of the ways to observe your own level of willpower is to ask yourself whether you say things that you do not mean. If you often commit to things that never happen, that’s a sign of weak will. A second sign of being weak willed is that you commit to things that you do not follow though upon. For example, you say that you will quit smoking ‘soon’ but in fact you continually delay any attempt to quit.

In order to develop one’s sense of willpower and self-discipline, it’s important for your words and your actions to correlate. Therefore, never say you will do something if there is a chance that you will not deliver upon your word. Use language with integrity and to reflect the truth and over time you will find your willpower becoming stronger each time you fulfil a promise or commitment.

Click for Speaking Skills Practice: Download Full Video Transcript

Feeling Tired From Socialising: Introvert Energy Rule 7

Introvert Energy Drain Rule Number Seven – Be More Creative

Introverts commonly experience difficulties of self-expression. It may be hard for them to express themselves satisfactorily in social interaction due to communication blocks such as shyness. Additionally, introverts tend to come across to new people as being withdrawn or closed. Even though they may be warm-hearted people once you get to know them, many introverts give the initial impression of being cold and aloof due to their natural hesitancy to project their personality when in unfamiliar situations. It is a frustrating and disappointing experience for an introvert to be misunderstood due to the fact that they are slow to open up and share with new people. This is a problem for introverts when socialising as not being expressive quickly leads to energy drain. In contrast, when you express yourself fully and enjoy the social moment among friends, you find that you do not experience energy drain.

Not being able to express oneself fully and freely is life-limiting. When you are not able to express yourself, you feel alone and closed off from connections with others (and this feeling makes you want to avoid more and more social interaction). While it may be the life’s work of an introvert to face and overcome their communication blocks in speech and social interaction, there is a more immediate solution to the problem of limited self-expression in speech. Through creativity and performance, introverts are able to express their true nature, and consequently, experience fulfillment in life. This is why every introvert should be creative in some way.

Introverts have tremendous creative powers. To attain mastery in any creative endeavour takes thousands of hours. To become really good at something, it is often necessary to make social sacrifices. While introverts may not mind staying home and working on their creative project, the majority of extroverts would feel as if they were missing out on something that they imagine to be happening somewhere. This often means that in terms of practical creative skills, extroverts often lag behind introverts because they haven’t put the same amount of hours into practising and refining their art.

Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule. Many extroverts have excellent creative ideas, and their success lies in their ability to get other people to make them happen (as well as in their powers of self-promotion). In contrast, an introvert’s journey to creative success is a hands-on and practical process. For introverts, actions definitely do speak louder than words.

However, if an introvert is to overcome problems of self-expression through the creative process, they must first learn to manage their energy so that there is enough to spare for their creative endeavours. Of course, if you allow people to drain you of your energy, there won’t be any left when you want to get creative. Again, this is why maintaining good boundaries and making sure you get enough time alone is essential for every introvert.

Due to limiting beliefs and blocks that arise through our life experience, especially in our formative years, many people misunderstand the concept of creativity and say that they are “not creative”. Being creative doesn’t mean that you have to be a painter of some sort. What it actually means is that there is something you like to do where you make or produce something new in the world. The thing you create can be a physical object such as a piece of furniture or even a cookie. Each person expresses their creativity differently, and as long as you are creating something new and expressing a part of yourself through the process, you can call it “creativity”. When an introvert expresses themselves through creativity, they succeed in sharing an expression of themselves with the wider world.

Being Social Makes Me Tired: Introvert Energy Rule 6

Introvert Energy Drain Rule Number Six – Create Healthy Boundaries

It is important for introverts to maintain good boundaries with others for their wellbeing. In one sense, this is because introverts are often empathic and may unconsciously absorb the moods and feelings of the people around them, which can be disruptive and compromise their sense of peace. An introvert often finds their balanced state of mind is made unsettled when in the company of people who exhibit strong emotions. This happens when an introvert does not have good psychic boundaries. Unconsciously, they pick up on other people’s emotional “stuff” that has nothing to do with them. Absorbing other people’s emotions is intensely draining for the introvert, and they will need to spend time alone in tranquility to cleanse themselves of the other person’s negativity.

Once an introvert has learnt to maintain good boundaries for their self-protection, they are able to assert themselves and say “no” when necessary. Introverts who are able to do this recognize that they must strive to take care of their own needs first. Once their own needs are met and they feel balanced and strong, they are able to spend their excess energy generously on others. However, introverts who haven’t yet learned the power of saying “no” will constantly find themselves being obligated to do things, being pulled in all directions, until they are drained and exhausted. Reaching the point of exhaustion is best avoided by introverts altogether. This is because once their energy reaches such a low ebb, they become negative and irritable themselves, which only serves to escalate any conflict or drama.

People who have a hard time saying “no” are also known as people pleasers. Such people feel that it is their duty to go out of their way to serve other people, even if doing so means that they are overstretched financially or energetically. By constantly putting the needs of others before their own, the people-pleasing introvert is often taken advantage of by takers who see them as a source of easy energy supply. On one level, the spirit of generosity or even selflessness you see in a people pleaser is a beautiful thing. However, the truth about people-pleasing tendencies is that, at a core level, the person struggles with issues of self-esteem. Their endless, self-abnegating service to others is a manifestation of their core belief of not being good enough or feeling unworthy to be loved. More than this, people pleasing is not good for either party. The people pleaser feels used up and exhausted, whereas the taker becomes dependent and incapable of meeting their own needs, thereby losing their personal power. Therefore going forward, work to put yourself and your own needs first.

My Work Drains Me – Introvert Energy Rule Number 5

Introvert Energy Drain Rule Number Five – Choose a ‘Introverted’ Job

Introverts tend to be more sensitive to their environment than extroverts are. Being in busy or over-stimulating environments can be an energetic disaster for introverts. Working in the wrong job that does not take account for the introvert’s preference for working independently in calm conditions can lead to a stressful work life.

Speaking from experience, working in a normal office environment meant it was difficult for me to stay in a balanced and positive mood. I found the constant office chatter — such as overheard telephone conversations — to be immensely distracting as well as tiring. It was always essential for me to flee the company of my colleagues at lunchtime for some much-needed energetic restoration. I didn’t avoid their company because I was antisocial or because I didn’t like them. Rather, it was because more than anything, I needed to recover my energy from the draining office environment. However, the problem with this coping mechanism at work is that your colleagues will generally perceive you as not being a team player. You will, in some way, feel that you do not belong to the social life of the office. Plus, being perceived as an outsider can be detrimental to your career, as people prefer to give job opportunities and promotions to people they like. Therefore, as an introvert in a regular office job, you may find that your work and talents do not receive the recognition they deserve.

As a highly introverted person, I often reflect on how many jobs would be a bad fit for my personality. A good example of this is the mental picture I have of the busy supermarket environment during the Christmas shopping period. The energy of such environments is intensely draining for anyone with an introverted or highly sensitive personality (which often overlaps with introversion). More than this, introverts with sensitive tendencies are advised to avoid working in chaotic environments or in situations where there is a lot of negative energy, such as in an emergency ward, challenging school environment, or airport. This is because many introverts tend to soak up the energy around them, which will be hazardous to their wellbeing. Only if an introvert is sure they can balance the negative energy exposure with calm and tranquil time alone can they be sure to cleanse themselves of such disruptive energy. In my opinion, these kinds of jobs are best left to people who are not sensitive to their environment.

If, as an introvert, you find yourself in a job that constantly demands that you perform in a way that is against your nature, my advice to you would be to consider changing your career. For example, if you are in a sales job where you have to approach members of the public all day long and initiate them in conversation so you can sell them something, such a job is likely to be your job from hell. A much better option for you is to find a job that is in tune with your preference for independent working and project work. You have immense powers of concentration and creativity which can take you far in life should you apply them.

Being Around People Drains Me – Introvert Rule Number 4

Introvert Energy Drain Rule Number Four – Be More Open

It helps to think of reality as a constant flow of opportunities that are constantly whizzing past you. If you pay attention to the opportunities, or if you contribute a little to that flow, you can catch them. The introvert’s problem is that they often miss out on these opportunities because they either don’t notice them in the first place because they are absorbed in their own world, or opportunities pass them by because the introvert is not assertive enough in conversation.

By making an effort to reach out and assist the flow of opportunities, just as extroverts do without any effort whatsoever, the introvert can be sure to take their fair share of these opportunities, too. To do this, some introverts may need to force themselves to speak up and overcome their natural shyness, which gets much easier over time the more you push yourself.

Look at it this way: Extroverts are curious people who enjoy finding out about new people. They tend to put themselves out there in conversation and are willing to share details about their own lives. This is what I call “facilitating the flow of opportunities”. You meet a new person, and through the most basic of small talk, you are open enough to reveal details about yourself that contribute to the flow of opportunities. In other words, you make an effort socially, and that means that you create an impression. You won’t just be remembered (or quite possibly forgotten) as that quiet person who didn’t say anything or talk to anyone. All you need to do is make a little effort just so you are noticed. If the conversation becomes boring or draining to you, excuse yourself if you lack the energy to become more involved. Or even better, assert yourself to make the conversation become interesting to you.

Introverts can really assist the flow of opportunities by projecting their personalities more. This means being less guarded when they first meet new people. I am not saying that you ought to share your life story with the new people you meet, but it does help just to go through the most basic elements of small talk so that the person to whom you are speaking can find out a little about you. Opening yourself up a little in social interaction allows you to facilitate the flow of opportunities. The principle of sharing in conversation even demands that you open yourself up and reveal a little of yourself or else you will feel drained.

I noticed in my own experience that it was a habit of mine to resist the flow of opportunities. To give an example, if I was in a group situation and someone asked a question such as, “What do you do for a living?” I found that I never answered the question directly. I would always let someone else/the other people in the group answer for themselves without answering for myself. I was guarded about sharing in group situations to my detriment because sharing information is what facilitates the flow of opportunities. If you don’t make a little social effort to overcome your inner resistance as an introvert, you will always remain outside of that flow. When in conversation somebody says that they work as designer, what they are really doing is allowing that nugget of information to fly and potentially be caught by someone else to whom it is relevant (and that’s how conversations can take an interesting turn). Sharing a piece of personal information can potentially connect two people in a meaningful way. More than this, you never know where assisting the flow of opportunities may take you. It could be towards an invitation, a job offer, or even a date.

Introverts resist the flow of opportunities for different reasons. Some introverts just may not be interested in what they perceive to be boring or meaningless small talk, in which case they may be perceived as standoffish and aloof. They find it draining and therefore stay on the edges of such conversations. Self-contained introverts are also very happy to lapse into their own silent daydreams when in social interactions, entertaining themselves with their own thoughts and not really listening to what’s going on around them (thereby missing potential opportunities).

For introverts who suffer with issues of self-worth at a core level which they may not even be consciously aware of, the real reason for their hesitance and guardedness in conversation may actually be due to limiting beliefs of unworthiness. In other words, they don’t speak up and share because they don’t believe that what they have to say is interesting to anyone or that anyone cares what they have to say. The best thing you can do for yourself as an introvert who suffers with self-worth issues at a core level is to mirror the conversation around you. This means that you make an effort to match the conversational replies made by other people: If other people answer a question and share what they do for a living, it is essential that you do this, too. You are worthy of attention. You don’t need to initiate conversation or reveal extra information about yourself. All you need to do is contribute just as much as the other people in the group. The more you stick to this rule, the easier it becomes for you to do your part to assist the flow of opportunities. By being more open, in this way you are doing your part to contribute and create connection within the social moment.

Why Do I Feel Drained After Socialising? – Rule Number Three

Introvert Energy Drain Rule Number Three – Be Social: The Introvert’s Way

Introverts who haven’t yet learnt to focus on their social strengths cannot help but feel socially inferior and awkward in social situations. The way that is natural for them to interact with others often doesn’t work effectively, especially in group situations. However, once introverts learn to be themselves while abiding to the most rudimentary social graces, they acquire a quiet confidence that carries them successfully through social situations.

Introverts aren’t really able to match extroverts in terms of their relaxed and fluid conversational style concerning everyday things. When an introvert tries to be like an extrovert, perhaps by learning tips and tricks to use in conversation, they find they can never really pull it off. Any attempt to mimic the extroverted style of interaction feels not only pointless but also false to them because they are not being true to themselves. A good example of this is the introvert’s resistance to small talk. It is very easy to partake in small talk because it is predictable. But despite this, the introvert feels resistant and awkward throughout and doesn’t care for it whatsoever, neither with strangers nor friends. This is because small talk is intensely boring to introverts, who are more interested in deep conversation or in specific subjects rather than trivialities. Any introvert can learn how to do small talk. However, the fact remains that their heart will never really be in it, and this always shows. Most introverts just don’t bother with small talk. This is one of the main reasons that they can feel so awkward in conversation because small talk is expected of them, but they can’t/won’t communicate in this way. Additionally, when you’ve only just met someone, it can be considered inappropriate to jump straight into intense conversations about meaningful subjects, or the extrovert to whom you are talking will be resistant to talking about anything beyond the surface level.

Another stumbling block for introverts is any social situation where surface or superficial talk is the main mode of communication. A good example of this is a networking event where many people are meeting for the first time. In these situations, the conversation is repetitive. You may talk to a lot of new people but at the end of the evening still feel that nothing interesting happened and that the event was a boring affair. When you are left with this feeling after a networking event or even a party, the reason you feel that way as an introvert is because you have a hunger for deep connections with others. You’re not really interested to know the surface details about strangers such as what their job is or where they live. You’re not curious about these kinds of superficial details as the majority of people are. Your interest is generally only piqued by abstract discussion where ideas are exchanged or when having an original conversation with someone, which allows you to gain real insight into their character. In contrast, self-confident extroverts delight in surface, fast-paced socialising, as it presses all their buttons and allows them to go home at the end of the night buzzing with energy.

Some extroverts feel awkward when stuck talking to introverts because the two personality types have very different conversational preferences. In the first instance, an introvert is likely to be more comfortable with pauses in conversation or silence, which can be excruciating to extroverts who feel awkward when the flow of chatter or banter is broken. When there are pauses in conversation, extroverts may misinterpret this as a sign that the introvert is not making any effort in the conversation, when in truth they just need a little extra time to pause and reflect before saying something. Another key difference is that extroverts will always feel that in terms of conversation, the more the merrier. Extroverts are in their element in group social situations, and given a choice, prefer to be interacting with a group of people rather than just an individual. Therefore, an extrovert may sometimes feel that they are missing out on all the action, if they find themselves “trapped” talking to an introvert for too long.

So what are the social strengths of introverts? In the first place, introverts feel most comfortable talking to just one person at a time. Bearing this in mind, an effective approach for introverts in group situations is to interact with people as if on a one-to-one level, if possible. This means that you don’t force yourself to talk to the whole group and to initiate topics of discussion, which doesn’t come naturally to you anyway. But instead, you work your way around the room involving people in different one-to-one conversations. In doing so, you can save yourself from feeling like a social misfit who has nothing to say. To make this strategy effectively work for you, you will need to be fluid and move around the space. It won’t work if you sit in the same chair or stand in the same corner of the room all evening because that will attach you only to one or two people. You also have to be mindful of spending too much time talking to a single person. This is because extroverts will feel that they are missing out on what’s going on in the wider group if you engage their attention for too long.

Introverts in group social situations are also advised to seek out other introverts (look for the people who seem a little apart from the group and who don’t initiate topics for conversation to the main group). Seeking out fellow introverts is a good idea because your conversational style is more likely to be compatible. However, if you encounter someone who is even more introverted than you are or who is a shy introvert, this too can also be awkward, as you may not know what to say to each other.

The ability to listen attentively is the greatest social strength of introverts. People like it when other people are interested in them. Introverts who have learnt how to play to their social strength ask attentive questions when communicating with others. They do this to show their interest in the person to whom they are speaking. However, it is important to note that it does not serve introverts well to pretend that they are interested in a conversation when, in truth, they couldn’t care less. The best thing to do if you are not interested in the conversation is to try to steer it in a different direction. And that means you must make an effort to be self-assertive. Yet, if you find that it is impossible to bring the conversation around to something interesting, the best thing for you to do is to excuse yourself from the conversation before you become drained.

Listening is what introverts are good at, but they must be careful of relying on this social skill alone. The introverts who suffer the most are the ones who listen too much. They become entirely focused on what other people have to say without themselves sharing anything. These kinds of introverts attract people who want to offload all their emotional “stuff” on them. They constantly find themselves in unequal, draining conversations with all kinds of people who won’t shut up. Yet it would be wrong to pity the introvert who experiences this kind of situation regularly. What is really happening is that the introvert is being closed off and is not adhering to the principle of sharing in conversation. The introvert is merely receiving whatever everyone else has to say but without allowing themselves to be vulnerable and to share even a tiny piece of themselves back in return. You will find that if you learn how to share as much as you receive, you will never be drained in conversation with anyone. When you share equally, even the loudest, most obnoxious extrovert can never drain you.

In terms of their social abilities, it is important for introverts to practise self-acceptance. They must come to terms with the fact that they may never master the conversational style of extroverts that is favoured by the world. Instead, they must focus their effort and attention on becoming more self-contained so that they can confidently handle social silence without feeling anxious when they can’t think of something to say. This quiet confidence is of utmost importance because it allows the introvert to float around the room in social situations, not clinging to any particular people, whether they be strangers or old acquaintances. When you have mastered quiet confidence, you are able to wait patiently or stand by yourself until a new opportunity to talk to a new individual or involve yourself in a new group discussion arises. And if no opportunity to talk to a new person comes up, you realise that you are better off by yourself, in your own company, rather than being drained by someone who is of no interest to you.

Tired from Socialising – Rule Number Two

Introvert Energy Drain Rule Number Two – Make Time and Space for Solitude

The need for solitude in order to process, recharge and relax is fundamental for introverts. However, an introvert who is unaware of their true nature or who is not mindful of their own needs may not ensure that they get to spend enough time alone in order to stay healthy and happy. Due to the demands of a busy life, especially in a modern city, an introvert may fill up their day with tasks and duties that bring them constantly into contact with others. In the short-term, the introvert unhappily finds that they have no energy left to themselves at the end of a busy day during which they were surrounded by people at every step. In the long-term, the introvert finds that they are trapped in an exhausting cycle of never-ending work and meaningless chatter, which runs their state of wellbeing and health into the ground.

It also happens that an introvert may have little choice but to be surrounded by people all day long. A good example of this is one’s school years. During my own school years, I remember feeling constantly tired. All day long, from 8:30 a.m. until 3:30 p.m., we were herded around the school to different lessons where we were often expected to work in groups, which is more taxing energetically than independent learning for introverts. Only as I reflect now, knowing about my introversion and how I feel when constantly being around people and having to interact with them, can I understand why I found the experience of school so draining and tiring to me: I was being forced to conform to a system built for extroverts five days out of seven.

In some family environments, it seems impossible for introverts to get the physical space and peace they need in order to stay balanced at home. This is because some families live in crowded or noisy conditions, and there may be nowhere for the introvert to retreat to. In these circumstances, the introvert must find a sanctuary of sorts. They need to find a private space where they can be themselves without the pressure of social interaction. This space could be a room of the house that the introvert uses when nobody is around (for example the living room, while others are sleeping), or it could be in a quiet public space, such as a library.

As long as the introvert has the freedom and ability to go out alone, nature is an introvert’s best friend. Going for a walk in nature, preferably alone or with a quiet friend, is one of the best ways that introverts can recharge their batteries. For this reason, a local park can make a wonderful sanctuary to any introvert who lives in a busy and noisy household. By retreating to their sanctuary, the introvert finds strength and inner peace.

It is also worth noting that culture plays a role in how much time we get to spend alone. From travelling to different parts of the world and observing and reflecting on the experience, in many cultures it is not considered socially acceptable to spend time alone, especially for women. In these counties, which are known as high context cultures, people are strongly conditioned to constantly be around other people and those who do spend time alone may be perceived as odd. In such situations, introverts who do not have a strong will struggle because they are forced to conform to an extrovert’s way of life. I have also reflected that people who grew up strongly conditioned to be around people all the time often harbour within them a distrust of introverts whom they perceive to be transgressive. This can leave introverts who have been culturally conditioned to behave like extroverts in an impossible bind where they feel pressurised to be around people constantly, even though within them their inner voice yearns for more quiet time and solitude.

Introvert Energy Drain – 9 Rules to Live By

Introvert Energy Drain Rule Number One – Protect and Conserve Your Energy

Introverts become drained of energy through social interaction. Unlike extroverts who are energized through talking to and interacting with others, being social costs introverts energy. In particular, they can’t spend too much time socialising with the wrong people, or else it will leave them sapped of their life force and joy.

If an introvert makes the mistake of allowing their energy to run out, they will feel like a dead man walking. Their irritable and frustrated mood will bring conflict to them at work and at home, and they will not be able to escape their negative mindset until they withdraw for some time alone.

It is essential that every introvert learn how to protect their energy, making sure that they keep enough energy for themselves so that they can stay balanced. Once you learn to manage your energy as an introvert, you see that you have more than enough energy to meet the demands of your work and relationships, while importantly still being able to maintain a positive state of mind throughout your daily life.

The best advice that any introvert should follow is that they must become a policeman of their energy. You have to realise that energy is a precious commodity and it is up to you how you spend it. As you learn to protect your energy, you constantly reflect on how spending time with the people in your life makes you feel. If, after spending time with a friend, you regularly come home feeling exhausted and need to sleep, you recognise the pattern and see that your energy is being wasted or overused in the company of this friend. To maintain your energy it would be a good idea to limit the amount of time you spend with this draining person. Spend no more than a couple of hours together, and be best advised to avoid staying over at their place or going on holiday together.

The thing to understand about the flow of energy between introverts and extroverts is that some people are worth your energy because you like spending time with them and they make you feel good, whereas others make you feel short-changed for the energy you supply them with. With these people, you see that you give them your energy, but they give you nothing back, except a feeling of being drained. Realise that you have no obligation to spend your energy on any person in your life, unless that it is your choice to do so.

Even strangers can drain you. Once you become adept at managing your energy, you choose to remove yourself from situations and environments that drain you of energy. Common examples of this are people who talk loudly in your vicinity or someone who is persistent in attempts to engage in conversation even though you are busy and evidently not interested in what they have to say. In these kinds of situations, the best thing you can do is react by excusing yourself or simply moving away out of earshot.