Do you sound weak? In this video, I give you examples of unconfident speaking styles. These are expressions people use when lacking in confidence about themselves and their opinions. We will be looking at indirect language: speaking with disclaimers, evading opinions, making oneself small, being doubtful of oneself, and being afraid to speak one’s mind. While it is sometimes necessary to communicate in an indirect way for the sake of politeness, it’s important to know how to speak in a more confident way too. When you communicate in a confident way, you are able to lead other people and to make a good impression. Learn about unconfident speaking styles in order to stop sounding weak!
Guest Post by Ian Luebbers – learn how to build a powerful presence so that when you speak, people listen.
Introverts sometimes get called out for being quiet and still. We speak only when necessary. We focus only on what’s really important. We despise fluff.
Guest who else shares these qualities?
Kings. CEO’s. Leaders. All powerful people possess these qualities in abundance.
So why don’t all introverts appear to posses a deep stillness? It turns out, it takes practice and conscious effort to cultivate powerful qualities. But all introverts have the potential to unleash their inner leader. All that’s necessary is a little practice.
How to Unleash Your Inner Leader When Speaking
The quickest way to unleash your inner power is to perform a quick power pose. Here’s how it works:
Set at timer for three minutes. Then spread your legs into a wide stance, puff up your chest, and try to make yourself as huge as possible. You are the big gorilla defending your territory. You are Godzilla. Stretch your arms out wide. Stand in a superman pose. Pose like a general surveying a battlefield. Take up space and feel confidence shoot through your veins.
Studies have shown that the above exercise can dramatically improve confidence and reduce stress in a matter of minutes. Another easy exercise that will dramatically boost your confidence is a quick visualization:
Find somewhere quiet and close your eyes. Then recall a time in your life when you felt absolutely victorious – like you were on top of the world. Maybe it was the time you scored a game-winning point as a child. Maybe it was when you finally earned that long-awaited promotion. Recall the event in vivid detail – how it felt, what it smelled like, who was there – and let yourself enjoy the feeling of accomplishment.
This exercise will make you feel like you are on top of the world. By the time you finish, you will feel incredibly confident and powerful, and whenever you open your mouth you’ll notice a marked difference in the way you speak.
There’s one more exercise that works like magic when it comes to boosting your power and confidence. It’s a little bit more involved, but it’s well worth the effort. Here’s how it works:
Full Day of Stillness
Pick a day that you want to feel powerful. On that day, do everything as slowly and deliberately as possible. It may feel strange at first, but after a few minutes, you notice that moving slowly instills you with a deep feeling of empowerment. Eat food slowly and savor each bite. Talk a little more slowly than usual. Instead of checking your phone while waiting, just stand or sit in silence. Be still. Be deliberate. Before long, you’ll reconnect with a powerful side of yourself that you may not even have known you possessed.
The above activity has huge effects, so don’t take it lightly. It can have a tremendous effect on the way you carry yourself and the way you speak.
Next time you have a party, or a presentation, or a date, try out one of these exercises. You might just be surprised at how quickly you get in touch with your inner executive. After all, you’re not developing any new skills. You’re just taking your natural affinity for stillness and transforming it into power. Now get out there and be a leader.
Conversation Skills Strategy for Social Confidence
Conversation skills advice often focuses on what we can do to keep conversations going. However, we should not always seek to prolong a conversation as social interaction will always need to end at some point. By leaving the conversation at the right moment, before the energy falls, we are able to leave the meeting feeling confident and energised.
It can happen that when we want to make a polite impression, we are too passive in our approach to social interaction. This means that we may ignore our feelings related to ending a conversation. We may stay in the conversation feeling increasingly more bored and drained, hoping that the other person will soon end the conversation for us.
Confident people know how to end conversations. They don’t wait around for the perfect moment to end the conversation. If you wait around for the perfect moment, you may find yourself becoming increasingly more drained and bored. On the other hand, you will find yourself increasingly more energised if you can learn to exit conversations at the right moment.
In conversation its also important to consider whether the person to whom we are talking is looking to exit the conversation. Once you have observed that they look ready to end the conversation, make it easy for them to say their goodbyes. By respecting that they are ready to leave the conversation, you will also be displaying at clear statement of social confidence.
Conversation Skills Advice
How to start a conversation wherever you are in the world with conversation skills coach Benjamin.
Not knowing what to say in conversation means that many people hold back from beginning conversations with new people because they are afraid creating awkward silence in conversation.
Benjamin the conversation coach teaches us a simple conversation skills technique for beginning a conversation anywhere and with any person. All you need to do to avoid awkward silences in conversation is to simply notice what is happening around you and then make observations based on what you see.
As Benjamin advises, when applying this technique it’s important not to judge or assess your observations before you speak. You should just say what you observe, even if you think that it is not interesting enough to share. You may think that the dusty table is not an appropriate topic to observe in conversation, but actually saying such an observation can serve to take the conversation in an unpredictable and energising direction – you just won’t know until you speak up and share your observation!
To keep the conversation interesting it is necessary to make new observations whenever you feel the energy of the conversation is falling or when you don’t have anything new to say about the topic.
By talking about what is happening around us and paying attention to our surroundings we can avoid asking question after question in conversation. It means that the conversation is more organic and unpredictable than it would be if you were to simple ask typical ‘getting to know you questions’. You will also find that although you are mainly talking about impersonal topics of conversation (for example talking about a chair or painting in the room), you get to know quite a bit about the person to whom you are talking.
Next time you are having a conversation with a relative stranger try out Benjamin’s conversation skills technique. You don’t need to prepare anything in advance; simply observe what you see around you.