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Over the years I have spent a lot of time communicating over the internet. Here is what I have learnt about the hierarchy of communication from my experiences. The modes of communication are listed from highest vibration of interaction to the lowest. If you want to relate to someone deeply, really know what they are about, and know where you stand with that person, you will quickly find your answers if you choose high frequency communication with them. In contrast, if you choose low frequency communication, it more often than not turns out to be a time waste or distraction, and is a way that people can more easily hide their true intentions from you.

1 – Face to Face

Face to face is the highest frequency of communication. When you talk to a person in real life you get the fullest sense of who they are. Being able to look into a person’s eyes in the moment of communication, see their reactions to you and (usually subconsciously) take in their body language, then you find out very quickly if this is a person who you want in your life, or not. Additionally, you get to experience the person’s influence on your energy — for example, do you come away from spending time with this person drained or energised? You get to see their good points and their bad points, which is a much more honest reflection of what you’re getting. And most importantly, in real life communication neither person can hide their deeper feelings and motivations for a long period of time.

2 – Phone Conversation / Skype

Hearing a person’s voice when you communicate is the next level of the communication hierarchy. Tone reveals all when a person is speaking. For example, does the person sound convincing in the sense that they mean what they are saying? Another important aspect of phone conversations is that you can quickly get to the point of what you want to discuss, and you don’t have to wait for a reply. In the lower forms of communication, people can take too long overly crafting what they want to say. And most important of all is that you can HEAR a person’s voice. Always note and pay attention if you DON’T like the sound of a person’s voice. I have experienced this myself and dismissed it too many times to my detriment: If you don’t like the voice, don’t go there!

3 – Recorded Voice Messages Whatsapp or Similar

Recorded voice messages can be fun distractions, but don’t kid yourself this is meaningful communication. You will not get to know somebody through recorded messages. They are a way for a person to monologue, not interact. The only plus point to it is that you can actually hear a person’s voice, which makes it better than just texting.

4 – Text Messaging, Skype Chat, Text Chat or Whatsapping

Text Messaging in all its forms is a distraction. In this form of communication, both parties tend to be doing something else at the same time — cooking, eating, working, watching something, driving etc. In many cases one or other of the parties can’t really be bothered to chat or is bored. Text message communication is so normal now that many people consider it to be a necessary way of socialising and keeping in touch. This indicates a superficial connection. If people really care about you, they will go out of their way to invest time, effort and energy in your real life. And NOTE: In any kind of dating sense, someone who wants to stick to text chatting only is nothing more than a time waster with something to hide.

5 – Social Media Comments

This form of communication is the lowest of the low. People have different motivations for commenting on social media, but it generally comes down to distraction, showing off or wanting to attack someone or something. In some cases the intention is noble, but the way of the world is that people do not seem mature enough to be able to handle social media responsibly yet.


My overall advice to you: Invest time in real life face-to-face meetings and telephone conversations with people you are interested to know or deepen your connection with. All other forms of communication should generally be avoided unless it is to make a plan and is detail orientated. And if someone doesn’t want to meet you face-to-face or communicate with you over the phone, step back from this person because they are revealing a lack of effort and interest on their side. Someone who won’t go out of their way to meet you in real life doesn’t really want to meet you because that would give the game away.

The quality of your life reflects the quality of your communication, and in particular, your speech. When I go out into the real world I am often struck by how poorly people are able to communicate and express themselves. The general standard of speaking I hear around me is low and stunted. I would go further to say that the quality of these people’s lives is low and stunted, as symbolised by their inability to communicate. They are very much used to being incompetent communicators, AND, it seems, have no desire to change that.

Signs of Incompetent Communication

Inability to Listen — I regularly encounter people who have no listening skills. They can’t follow the thread of a conversation. Instead, they talk over people and change the subject. A person who does this is UNABLE to relate to another person because they are incapable of giving others true attention.

Mouth Covering — Some people cover their mouths when they speak. It gives the impression of anxiety and also that they are trying to hide. It also makes them harder to hear, and most people won’t put in the effort to hear them because it requires too much ear-strain.

Only Slang — Slang has its time and place in communication, but people who can only speak slang dialects demonstrate a lack of intelligence. It’s hard for me to imagine anyone giving these people a job.

Mumbling — Mumblers don’t open their mouths much when they speak, therefore the sounds come out unclearly. It gives the impression of being (a) mentally slow or (b) very low in energy.

No English — I used to live abroad in a country where I tried and failed to learn the language. Due to the fact I failed, I went home. If you can’t speak the language and you intend to live somewhere permanently, the quality of your life will be extremely poor, you will be isolated, and you will live totally apart from the culture of the place. People failing to learn the language of the country they move to is extremely common, but yet, so many people stay even if it means that they are mute.

Not making any sense — some people have the appearance of being able to speak, but the content of what they are saying makes no sense. It’s all disconnected and random and is draining to listen to.

The above list features just some of the signs of incompetent communication I regularly encounter in the course of my daily life. For most of these people there is no help possible as they really don’t care about their speaking ability.