Toxic language is a way of communicating that harms other people. The lesson is based on the work of Marshall Rosenberg, who educated people to express their needs in a compassionate way in order to avoid ‘violent communication’. I will teach you common examples of violent communication, such as threatening, blaming, labelling, diagnosing, and guilt tripping. Many of us often do some or all of these to others without realising. By learning to avoid violent communication, we are able to express our personal needs more effectively and our relationships with others can improve.
In these politically correct times in which we live, the ‘experts’ out there on YouTube say that you should not get rid of your accent. These teachers are the same ones who make their lessons for the mass global audience: it’s all very low level, easy stuff. Moron level. The most you ever get with them is ‘4 Amazing Phrasal Verbs You Need to Know’.
These teachers are being politically correct when they talk about accent. I’m not sure if they actually believe what they say, but that’s what they say because it’s the ‘acceptable’ opinion to have. It’s all very friendly and smiley and appeals to their low level mass audience who only want to feel good about themselves. When their teacher tells them comforting words like this, it gives them an excuse not to bother.
YouTube didn’t work out very well for me. Might be because I’m POLITICALLY INCORRECT. I didn’t have ‘the right’ opinions about things. It caused a lot of backlash.
Here’s what I think about your accent:
When it comes to YOUR accent, it’s necessary to separate yourself from the herd.
Most non-native speakers are never going to get rid of their accent because they are too lazy and have no focus. Even if they wanted to improve their accent, it won’t happen for them.
Most non-native speakers don’t NEED to get rid of their accent. This is because they rarely use English. What’s the point of having a native speaker level accent if you have no contact with native speakers? None, really.
But for those people who live and work in the UK, telling them not to bother about their accent is plain bad advice. Okay, if you pick fruit in a field and only work with other foreigners, you can struggle on without having a decent accent. But that is where you will stay: in minimum wage, temporary work for the rest of your life. With a dodgy accent.
Even professionals with high level skills are not immune to the problems caused by having a dodgy accent. The main one being that it seriously undermines you at work. No matter how great the standard of your work is, you’ll be undermined on a daily basis by the way that you speak. Again, like the fruit pickers, you can probably get by here in the UK; you can struggle on speaking badly. Everyone’s politically correct here, so don’t worry, the weakness of your accent will never be directly pointed out to you by your managers or even brought up at job interviews.
This can allow you to go on living in the illusion that the way you speak isn’t important. It’s a comfortable illusion, but it’s also one that’s hard to maintain. If/when you ever have a problem at work — you will remember once again about the weakness of your accent. That’s because you know, deep down, that the way you speak isn’t yet good enough for the work that you do. It’s only natural to feel vulnerable when you know that you’re the weak link. If you don’t do something about it, this vulnerability will haunt you forever.
I don’t advise the mass global audience to get rid of their accent; like I said it’s impossible and not worth it for them anyhow. But for professionals, another, much higher standard is required of them. This standard is to speak clearly and naturally.
Learn how to pronounce the names of the top 10 biggest cities in Britain. Avoid the embarrassment of saying the name of a famous place incorrectly — listen and learn how a person from London says the names of these places. I will also teach you and use some IPA (International Phonetic Alphabet), so that you can get the exact pronunciation. I’ll teach you how to pronounce London, Manchester, Birmingham, Leeds, Bradford, Glasgow, Southampton, Portsmouth, Liverpool, Newcastle, Nottingham, and Sheffield. No more mistakes!
There is a necessary foundation that you need to build in order to be able to speak well. So many people (native speakers AND second language speakers of English) are missing this foundation because they were never taught properly or supported. In this episode of English Jade I reveal the foundation you need to become a good speaker. Warning: It’s not what you expect! And don’t worry, even if you lack this foundation, I’m going to fill in the gaps in your knowledge.
Start building your foundation: Sign up to get the first 4 lessons of English Jade: CLICK HERE.
‘FROM’ is such a small, common word in English, but it has so many different uses. Watch this to make sure you don’t get your prepositions mixed up.
Toxic voices are extremely common. When a voice is toxic, it is draining to hear or listen to. The draining influence of a toxic voice affects all people within earshot by creating tension and spreading a low mood. However, only sensitive people can directly feel the icky, draining quality of the toxic voice in the moment that it is speaking.
Sensitives are best advised to avoid or disengage from conversations with people who have toxic voices. When sensitives have good boundaries, this happens naturally, as the sensitive will not want to engage in any kind of prolonged conversation with the toxic voice. Or, if they must interact occasionally, for example because the person with the toxic voice is a relative or colleague, then the sensitive learns to disengage from ‘draining conversations,’ which only encourage the person with the toxic voice to offload on them and to drain.
When I’m out in the real world, for example in a coffee shop, and I encounter a draining voice, my attitude towards that person is reserved. The reason for this is to keep my distance and to prevent any sense of familiarity from building up between us. While toxic voices cannot be avoided out in the real world, it is possible to prevent such a person from seeking out your attention in possible future encounters. The last thing you want to do is to give the draining voice your full attention. However, if the draining voice belongs to someone you care about, you may DECIDE to give them attention from time to time as a form of love. But this kind of sacrifice is not owed to strangers.
All voices are draining sometimes. However, a toxic voice is always draining.
All people are negative sometimes. Whereas, a toxic voice is negative about everything all the time.
It is not possible to change someone you know if you identify him or her as having a toxic voice. However, it is possible to detoxify your own voice. This comes down to cleansing yourself from negativity and detoxifying yourself. Note: I’m not advocating that you pretend to live in a ‘positive bubble’, merely that you find a healthy balance in which you can see the good in life, as well as the bad.
Here follow some practical things you can do to detoxify yourself and your voice:
- Take a break from any kind of news (30 days is a good starting point)
- Take a course of detoxifying supplements
- Take supplements for candida and reduce sugars and processed foods in your diet
- Take a nightly bath and scrub your skin. Soak long enough until the top layer of your skin rubs off
- Don’t give in to the lure of toxic conversations: disengage, avoid, or label it a ‘draining conversation’. Only when you are healthier and your energy is better can you handle a little negativity now and then.
- Leave social media
- Listen to uplifting music
- Walk in nature, especially in forests or woods
- Train yourself to notice and appreciate the small, beautiful things or moments in everyday life. For example, the sight of a cute baby. These things are your food.
- End friendships or slowly detach from spending time with people who moan and complain all the time
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself and take action
The quality of your life reflects the quality of your communication, and in particular, your speech. When I go out into the real world I am often struck by how poorly people are able to communicate and express themselves. The general standard of speaking I hear around me is low and stunted. I would go further to say that the quality of these people’s lives is low and stunted, as symbolised by their inability to communicate. They are very much used to being incompetent communicators, AND, it seems, have no desire to change that.
Signs of Incompetent Communication
Inability to Listen — I regularly encounter people who have no listening skills. They can’t follow the thread of a conversation. Instead, they talk over people and change the subject. A person who does this is UNABLE to relate to another person because they are incapable of giving others true attention.
Mouth Covering — Some people cover their mouths when they speak. It gives the impression of anxiety and also that they are trying to hide. It also makes them harder to hear, and most people won’t put in the effort to hear them because it requires too much ear-strain.
Only Slang — Slang has its time and place in communication, but people who can only speak slang dialects demonstrate a lack of intelligence. It’s hard for me to imagine anyone giving these people a job.
Mumbling — Mumblers don’t open their mouths much when they speak, therefore the sounds come out unclearly. It gives the impression of being (a) mentally slow or (b) very low in energy.
No English — I used to live abroad in a country where I tried and failed to learn the language. Due to the fact I failed, I went home. If you can’t speak the language and you intend to live somewhere permanently, the quality of your life will be extremely poor, you will be isolated, and you will live totally apart from the culture of the place. People failing to learn the language of the country they move to is extremely common, but yet, so many people stay even if it means that they are mute.
Not making any sense — some people have the appearance of being able to speak, but the content of what they are saying makes no sense. It’s all disconnected and random and is draining to listen to.
The above list features just some of the signs of incompetent communication I regularly encounter in the course of my daily life. For most of these people there is no help possible as they really don’t care about their speaking ability.
In my work as a speech and voice coach, here are the top 10 reasons people have for not liking the way that their voices sound:
Men Who Don’t Like The Way Their Voices Sound…
- Voice not deep enough (sounds too feminine)
- Voice lacks gravitas (sounds unconfident)
- Voice not loud enough (sounds unconfident)
- Voice is overly nasal (sounds nerdy)
- Voice is monotone (sounds boring)
Women Who Don’t Like The Way Their Voices Sound…
- Voice is shrill (sounds unpleasant)
- Voice is manly (sounds overly deep)
- Voice is squeaky (sounds too high pitched)
- Voice has mucus (sounds unhealthy)
- Voice is damaged by smoking (sounds unhealthy)
For my help improving the way your voice sounds, check out my Best Voice Profile service.
Learn 35 useful conversational phrases for making friends or asking someone out on a date. Meeting new people can be awkward, especially if you don’t know the language perfectly. In this lesson, I will teach you what to say when you first meet someone new at a class or activity, what to say when you meet someone by chance, and what to say when you want to get to know someone better and to deepen your relationship. Learn these phrases and you will improve your conversational ability in friendship and dating situations.
Some things I have learnt from my own experiences related to speaking and communication as well as working with my clients…
If you are mute you don’t have to be
If you put yourself in a mute situation you are choosing pain
If you created a life of muteness you gave up yourself
If your voice is quiet and unheard you are choosing that
If you can’t express yourself you can start
If you can’t show yourself you can learn
If you can’t breathe you can heal
If people silence you they don’t want to hear you
If people you care about silence you, you don’t need them
If your family don’t hear you, accept them or go where you will be heard
If you’re a lone voice where you are, accept that they won’t and can’t hear you
If you think that most people listen, you’re wrong
If you think none of this matters, I’m not the teacher for you
If you want to learn perfection, that way leads to pain
If you want to be more imperfectly you, I’ll teach you everything I learned
Over enunciation (also over articulation and over pronunciation) is when a speaker puts far too much effort into saying every sound in a word. I give you an example of a speaker who over enunciates, and share with you what it reveals about people who speak this way.
My speech performance reading of the ‘Rime of the Ancient Mariner’ (1834) by Samuel Taylor Coleridge. In the introduction I also talk about the meaning of the albatross symbol. This poem is one of my favourite poems form the Romanticism era of English poetry.
Are you interested to improve your accent? Here are the 7 accent training truths you must know before you begin!
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Are you stuck with the voice you are born with or can you change it? I explain whether you can change your voice based on my personal experience as a speech, voice and personal development teacher.
How to speak attractively like Holly Willoughby. Holly’s voice hits the sweet spot of feminine vocal attractiveness and is very appealing to listen to. In this video I share with you the secrets that make her voice and speaking style so attractive.
The secrets of Holly’s vocal attractiveness that I share in this video include:
1. Her feminine pitch
2. Her golden tones
3. Her giggling attacks
4. Her saucy innuendos
5. Her nurturing side and baby talking
For my international viewers, Holly Willoughby is the darling of daytime TV in the UK. She co-presents the lifestyle show ‘This Morning’ with Philip Schofield, who is also referred to in this video.