In this video I mainly talk about the example of ‘helping’ people in relation to my job. For example, when somebody writes to me asking for information. However, the idea of helping people with boundaries is also something I apply more broadly in my life.
Having ‘helping boundaries’ means that you do not help someone anytime they want something from you simply because they asked for something. It means reflecting on whether the ‘help’ the person is asking for will actually serve them in the long run.
I discovered through my own life experience that when you go out of your way for entitled and demanding people, what you do for them is never enough. Either they come back the next day and ask for something more, or they complain that what they received was not good enough. You could give them the earth, but yet they would feel hard done by and cheated.
Now, before I ‘help’ people I check the level of the person’s entitlement. This is an internal feeling that I get about the person and is not a straight out judgement according to whatever labels the person might have.
NOTE: for me ‘help’ means doing something extra for someone that means going beyond what I already do for people in general and what I do gladly. For me there is a base level of assistance that I would give to anybody without questioning it. However, ‘help’ for me means giving that particular person my particular focus and energy, which is not something I do for all people.