I’ve had the experience of living in many different places in my life, different countries, and each time the experience offered me a gift, in that it unlocked a part of my personality that I didn’t know before. Among the things I’ve learnt are to be able to feel a deep connection with nature (Nepal), social confidence (Dubai), and adventurousness of spirit (Amsterdam). But living in Turkey has been a different experience. What I’ve mainly […]
Emotionally gullible people give 100 percent of their trust to their friends or to the people they like. However, this can and often does lead to being let down by the people we open up to and feel hopeful about developing relationships with.
In this video I discuss my coping strategies for dealing with my own emotional gullibility which involve having high standards regarding the people I invite into my life. Something I forgot to […]
This post continues the theme of previous posts concerning full people, half people and hollow people. And I’m adding to the previous discussion a new group of people: the hermit people. The hermit people are those who have been saddened and hurt by their experiences out in the world, and they have withdrawn from the world to become hermit people.
I’ll begin with a story that I’ll come back to later. When I first […]
In this video I mainly talk about the example of ‘helping’ people in relation to my job. For example, when somebody writes to me asking for information. However, the idea of helping people with boundaries is also something I apply more broadly in my life.
Having ‘helping boundaries’ means that you do not help someone anytime they want something from you simply because they asked for something. It means reflecting on whether the ‘help’ the […]
I’ve written in previous posts about what full connections are. These are relationships in your life in which you feel deeply understood, and the quality of these relationships is open, and the connection that you share is deep.
In my life, I’m nourished by these full relationships with people. Other kinds of relationships are not that meaningful for me; it’s more like going through the motions. When there’s a friend in my life with […]
Brené Brown is a hugely successful author in the self-help / popular psychology genre who has sold over 5,000,000 books. Her topics include shame, connection and vulnerability. The video below offers Brené Brown’s position on empathy, which is that the best way to ease someone’s suffering is to go down and feel it with them:
At the time of […]
‘People flakes’ are people who always cancel on you: any plans you make with them never happen. In a recent post I described these people as ‘half people’ because it seems to me they engage in this kind of behaviour to push away potential connections with other people. However, I then came across this old video I had forgotten about in which I give a different reason for their flakiness. In the video I […]
This post follows on from ‘The Empty Feeling of Normal Friendship’.
In my “outsider” understanding, there are three kinds of people in the world:
- The hollow people
- The half people
- The full people
Most people in the world are hollow people, and it is not possible to develop any sense of connection with them. No matter how much time you spend with a hollow person, a feeling of real connection never develops. If you […]
This post describes the alienating feeling of ‘normal’ friendship from the perspective of someone (me) who scores highly in having traits of Asperger’s Syndrome. It seems to me that the empty feeling of normal friendship is something felt also by a small percentage of people who, unlike me, don’t have traits of Asperger’s Syndrome. I don’t know what to call this other group of people, but I think that we share something in common both in […]
Guest Post by Nina Lalumia
At least since the time of Aristotle (the fourth century B. C.), the idea that there are four basic elements–earth, water, air and fire–has been an important theme in our culture. Aristotle himself used this idea to understand the physical world. He thought about the four elements much the same way that chemists today understand elements such as hydrogen and carbon. The basic idea is that underlying any […]
I recently mentioned in a post two people in my life I am not speaking to and have cut out of my life. One of these people is a cousin of mine. We were extremely close until about 4 years ago when the rift between us occurred. I told my cousin I needed space from her so that I could move forward in my life making my own decisions for myself. Without going […]
I come from a family that makes use of the silent treatment to communicate anger. When I was a kid, sometimes I used to go to my grandparents’ house during the times that they weren’t talking to each other due to an argument between them. Sometimes their periods of silence would last for a long time, even weeks, meanwhile they lived together in the same house under a tense and uncomfortable, silent atmosphere. If they […]
Yesterday I went to the forest with my boyfriend and a friend. It was still quite early when we arrived which meant was nobody really there, expect for the three of us walking around and exploring the trails. After we had hiked around for a while and had started back in the direction of the car, somebody in the distance started shouting over at us. I didn’t understand what he was shouting in Turkish as […]
For most of the nearly 4 years I have been on YouTube I did not reply to any comments and I had the comments on my blog closed. I also ignored most of the emails I received from viewers. The reason I did not reply to emails was because it kept happening that one email reply to a fan would turn into an email tsunami in which they would keep writing me long, […]
Today I am feeling sorry for myself so I decided to write about my experience of making friends in Turkey.
I have had enough international experience of living in different places to know that every place in the world has different social rules about friendship and making friends. When you move to a new country you can’t just expect it to be the same as what you are used to in you […]