About Jade Joddle

My name is Jade Joddle and I teach about speech. Browse around my site for topics related to speaking skills and self-expression.

Copycat, Copycat (Poem)

Copycat, copycat

Rat-a-tat-tat

You get a pat on the back

Cos I know how you did that.


Copycat, copycat

Dum-de-dum-dum

Bang them out and get it done,

Make a quick buck: isn’t this fun!


Copycat, copycat

Ra-de-ra-ra

Do it yourself—That’s a bit hard!

Get a leg up and you will grow fast.


Copycat, copycat

Dong-dong, ding-ding

You know that to copy me is to win…

You add some sexy, then views go schwing!

 

Constantly Update Who You Like and Who You Follow

Things that we once thought were very good can change. That’s why I take care to constantly reassess the things I like. If I realise I don’t like something anymore, I stop following it. This also applies to people; sometimes it just happens that there is a shift in my feelings and the connection I have with that person doesn’t feel good to me anymore. With people especially, the shift can be hard to observe in oneself because a lot of self-deception gets in the way. When that happens, I am remembering old, good memories and feelings that I shared with that person, and not objectively assessing our connection as it stands in the present. The layers of denial can be very thick due to wanting to hold on and not let go of what was good before. When this has happened to me, I’ve found myself in constant doubt, even blaming myself for things between us not feeling right. Now though, I’m getting better at simply observing the change in my feelings and making a mental note of it—in most cases there is no need to take immediate action to remove someone from your life—the slow fizzle does the job.

Updating what or whom I like can be annoying because it’s like a snake shedding its skin. It’s hard to do because it takes a lot of energy and during this process old, irritating flakes of skin get stuck for a while.

When it comes to online content, there is only one blog that I have consistently followed for more than 4 years. Most of everything else I’ve only been into for short phases. Sometimes it’s because I’ve lost interest and other times it is a conscious decision to stop. I stop following someone if their information strikes me as having been corrupted in some way—for example, the person now spreads false information (usually to make big money) or has turned into a cult leader. I also stop following people when ‘internet fame’ has gone to their heads. It can be really disconcerting and even upsetting when this happens because you wonder if you were deceived at first, or else why would you have followed this person?

When I perceive someone to be spreading false information, this does not mean the same thing as me disagreeing with that person’s viewpoint. It relates more to perceiving some background agenda in the person’s words that they aren’t being upfront about. Usually they have some magic method for sale or a philosophy that they want you to become a follower of. It’s a red flag for me whenever someone touts a product or philosophy as being the only solution that works for a particular problem.

Referring back to myself now as a content maker, I change a lot and for some people who follow me or who used to follow me, that’s disconcerting. To that I say that the changes you see in me are much more obvious because they are shown on the outside and are being expressed, whereas with a lot of people, their changes might not be directly shown because the person is protecting their brand image and income stream. On top of this, the majority of people only have one creative mode of expression (like a typecast actor) which is more widely distanced from their real-life personality; who you see on screen and who you get in real life are totally different beings. When this is the case, inner changes can be relegated solely to the private personality who is kept away from the camera. This means ‘unflattering’ or uncommerical inner changes that a person goes through tend not to leak out into what they have to say online. Although if you’re paying attention and watching carefully, you can still notice subtle changes.

Big Event Anxiety E.g. Going to Weddings

I’ve been invited to a wedding three months from now, and the idea of going to it is already causing anxiety. The inner conflict is between the thought that I *should go* and the feeling that I don’t want to because it will be really hard for me.

I imagine this wedding to be hard for a number of reasons. First, as an introvert, I don’t like these kinds of big events, especially when they are full up with people from the distant past. I much prefer leaving the past in the past than I do being reunited with it en masse, such as by meeting again some of the people I went to school with years ago. It’s not that there’s anyone I dislike or specifically don’t want to meet again from my school years, it’s rather that I’ve moved on from all that. There’s nothing interesting there that I would want to dig up, and anyway, the social aspect of my school days brings up more bad memories than good.

Another aspect I imagine to be hard is the energy drain of going to a big event and the pressure to be ‘on form’. This means interacting with a lot of people over what is likely to be a very long day. I have been to weddings that I’ve really enjoyed before, but these were generally when I was the random guest who didn’t really know anyone else there. Not knowing many people actually makes going to a wedding a lot easier, as you can always disappear when you need to and nobody will care or notice you’re gone.

And the final aspect that is hard is going to a wedding alone without a guest. I go on holiday alone and will eat out alone happily. In the past I have been to nightclubs and music festivals alone, that’s harder but still doable. But going to a wedding alone, well, I’m already feeling the cringe of awkwardly standing about with nobody to talk to during all those in-between moments that happen at weddings, such as when waiting to pose for photos. If I go, I can imagine myself latching on another loner for mutual support!

I haven’t decided whether I’m going to go or not yet to this wedding. As an ideal, I do want to go to show my support and care for my friend who is getting married. I also want to be part of the memories of that day. But then again I also know my personal limitations. There’s a big difference between pushing one’s comfort zone (doing something that is hard because it will be good for you) and going against oneself (forcing yourself to do what is hard when your insides scream ‘No!’). In my case it’s much too early to decide whether going to this wedding will be within my comfort zone or not. Three months later is a lot of time for things to change and by then I may be feeling much healthier than now, and if that’s the case, I will have ample energy for a big event such as this. If I don’t feel in good physical shape by the time of this wedding, which is needed to avoid energy wipeout, then I’m just not going to go. I’ll explain my reasons to my friend and hope that she can be understanding of that.

Do I Have Posh Envy?

‘Posh envy’ is consciously or unconsciously disliking people because they are posh and you are jealous of them. So do I have posh envy? Let’s break it down…

For those of you who aren’t English and don’t know this because you haven’t lived it; a definition: being posh is something you are born into and you cannot ever become posh no matter how much money you acquire in your lifetime. It doesn’t matter whether you marry someone posh, how many degrees you’ve got, how you’ve changed the way you speak, or even if the Queen herself has given you a title. In England you’re either posh, trying to be posh, or on the common end of the scale (that’s where I am).

In my life I’ve met some brilliant genuine posh people whom I really respect and admire. The ones that come to mind are two retired English army officers (50 years plus), posh ex-pat brats (children of posh English people, often the kids of army officers who grew up abroad), and also old school posh in general (over 60 years old). But then, I tend to get on better with older folks than I do with people my own age, so that’s not a surprise.

I also tend to be charmed by posh eccentrics. I like them and find captivating, everything from their impeccable manners to their crisp speech. I especially love how they tell stories, how they use language so richly, or how they simply just don’t give a fuck. Among the real posh there is a high proportion of eccentrics. The rest of the posh or the upper middle class, then no, I don’t really care for them at all because these ones do not value individualism; they sign up to the status quo.

I like that posh exists because I find it very English. On the other hand, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with posh everyday. For me it’s better when it’s a rarity—then it’s the same like catching a glimpse of a rare bird in flight. If I had to deal with it everyday, let’s say if I had to work with posh, then in most cases it would get on my nerves and I would stop to notice its beautiful feathers. Working with posh is in fact annoying, because posh looks at the world in a very different light and does favours for other posh.

The good thing about being born posh, I imagine, is the security of place it provides. It gives you a firm background in all the little things that help in life, from the way you speak to the manners with which you conduct yourself. You also don’t generally have to worry about being totally broke, homeless or not being able to afford to have children or own a house. In most cases, if you are posh, you will be looked after regarding the things that matter most. You will often also be supported with connections—having access to good jobs which is supposed not to be the case anymore but still is in reality.

For my own part, I am happy to be who I am today considering that to get here I crawled myself out of the gutter. This way I know I did everything for myself, with no special favours included. I also know that had I not grown up in South London to a Cockney mum, I would not have learnt about authenticity. I would have learnt about manners and the ‘proper’ way of being, but I wouldn’t have learnt what it means to stick two fingers up to all of that and to be who you are anyway.

That said, I have explored a bit of posh. That came from university and from travelling to ex-pat kinds of places. I like it, but I don’t belong there, as indeed I don’t belong anywhere 100 percent!

I also realise as I age that the women I really admire and in fact aspire to be more like, due to their authenticity and charisma, are common as muck. The list includes both Amy Winehouse and Jade Goody, both deceased (maybe their authenticity can be seen and valued because it is gone now). These two were also very rare birds, but the sad thing is that they did not live long enough to become phoenixes. There was another older Cockney woman in a wheelchair I overheard in an airport bar in Cyprus recently—she had everyone laughing with her direct way of speaking and insulting jokes that touched a nerve. As I sat there I thought to myself, I’m going to express myself like you when I’m older.